Thursday, October 4, 2007

Akil 23

Since we were there to celebrate the games of summer, the stage had been decorated with various glitter encrusted cardboard cut out sports items. Giant glitter basketballs, soccer balls and who knows what else. There was a small wall on each side of the stage at the back, blocking the view of a set of stairs that the contestants had to climb to get to the stage. It was from behind one of these that the contestants emerged. There were four of them, each either sixteen or seventeen years old.

First up was Miss Baseball. Out she came wearing her baseball cap, a very tight T-shirt and very short shorts. She was carrying a baseball bat and wielded it in a most seductive manner. I swear, if it had been a pole, she would have danced on it! She placed it behind her head on her shoulders, grabbed on with both hands, thrust her ample bosom forward and did a sex strut down the runway that would have put Mae West to shame. The crowd loved it. To me, it looked more like she should have been carrying a sign with her hourly charge than a baseball bat because she was certainly there to sell sex. After an endless amount of time doing all sorts of tricks and ducks and turns with her bat, she relinquished the stage to the next contestant. But not until after they had had an argument over whether she should be allowed down the stairs first or the next contestant should be allowed up them first. Finally Miss Soccer took the stage.

Her prop was of course a soccer ball and she tried in vain to duplicate the efforts of Miss Baseball but never pulled it off. I mean really, how sexy can you be tossing a ball up and down in the air and twirling around like a dervish on stage? At the end of her “presentation”, she received a polite smattering of applause. Nothing like the whistles and clapping that greeted Miss Baseball throughout her “presentation”. The next two contestants were Miss Basketball and Miss Volleyball. Repeats of Miss Soccer. No one could hold a candle to Miss Baseball. Perhaps they should have chosen a different prop?

Next up, while the contestants changed wardrobes, was some local celebrity women. She sang her heart out on stage and was really quite a good singer. I would have enjoyed listening to her longer, but the girls were now all gowned up and ready to strut again.

Miss Baseball returned to the stage a changed woman. She was wearing a beautiful and tasteful black gown. It was strapless, although I think she would have preferred topless, and had a huge skirt that seemed to take up most of the stage. I was amazed that she was able to make it up the stairs with that on. She very elegantly and stylishly walked the runway, turning so that the crowd could get a good view of every part of her and her gown. Although I thought her first performance was terribly slutty, she pulled off the gown competition admiringly. After the same fight at the top of the stairs, Miss Soccer took the stage.

She wore a dress the color of stale lime juice that did nothing for her. It was a one shoulder ordeal that hugged her tighter than a scared monkey. One side of the skirt ended just below her panty line and it angled sharply down to almost her ankle on the other side. It was a most unfortunate choice and the store that sold it to her should be closed down and fined severely. But who am I to judge? The crowd loved it. They love anything that says SEX to them, especially if it is blatant.

The next two contestants were just a blur to me. Nothing memorable about them at all. Each of the contestants took an extraordinary amount of time on the stage. Returning to the stage and back down the runway so many times, the distance they walked up there was probably equal to that in a marathon! Finally they were all done and were replaced on stage by a local male singer. He was good also, but not as good as the woman. Once he was done, the MC grabbed the mike again and, after the normal amount of screeching and wailing from the microphone, was able to talk. And talk. And talk. I have no idea what he said but I didn’t know that there were that many words in Spanish! Finally he got to the part the crowd was waiting for and brought all the contestants back up on stage, still in their gowns. I was disappointed that there was not a talent competition. That would have been really interesting!

They began to announce the prizes. First Miss Congeniality, won by Miss Baseball wearing the black gown. Next was Miss Best Public Use of a Baseball Bat, won by you know who. Then Miss Best Hair Do, Miss Best This and then Miss Best That, all won by you know who. She had so many medallions around her neck, if she had fallen out of a boat wearing them, she would have immediately sunk to the bottom of the ocean, faster and deeper than the Titanic. Then it was time for the actual crowning of Miss Games of Summer. The moment everyone had been waiting for.

After the reception Miss Baseball Bat had gotten, and her sweeping of all the awards, I was not expecting any big surprise. Out came the crown and the roses and (drum roll here) the crown was awarded to.....

Miss Stale Lime Juice Gown!

I was shocked but the crowd went wild with glee. I found out later that Miss Black Gown came from one of the richer families in town and was not well liked, but Daddy had sponsored a lot of money for the festival. Miss Stale Lime Juice was just one of the regular townies, a real sweetheart and liked by everybody. Politics, it seemed, awarded all but the biggest prize to Miss Baseball Bat.

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